Today I've been in the bed all day. Sore throat, head ache, body aches...ew.
Also, I've just been depressed. Everything is SO much harder with one leg. Takes more time. My crutches and I are not on speaking terms right now.
I was reading in that popular devotional today, Jesus Calling, and my eye caught this:
"Hardships are part of the journey too. I mete them out ever so carefully, in just the right dosage, with a tenderness you can hardly imagine. Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among My most favored gifts."
I'm tempted to recoil from just the idea that hardship is a gift from Jesus. But I also had the privilege of listening to this sermon this morning:
http://sermon3a.tscnyc.ws/2012/mp3g/20120401S1.mp3
Reminding me that Paul "knew" a whole lot about God, but it wasn't until after he went through hardships and suffering that he "learned" it. After he had been through all sorts of trials, then he had credibility when he talked to others. He could say that he trusted in his Master no matter what and it meant something to the people who heard it because he had been through Hell and back and was still saying that he trusted.
There's something weighty about hearing words of encouragement from one who's "been there". It makes them more believable. Like they truly know what they are talking about.
To say that what I'm doing right now is considered a hardship, almost seems laughable. I mean, I'm sitting in my bed with a wonderful supportive family chugging right along without me while I lay here and rest. They answer my every beck and call, feed me, get my medicines, and the house keeps running right along without me. Yet, it seems as though God is continuing to teach me that I'm not as big and necessary as I always think I am. (Pride) How many ways can He knock it out of me?
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm loved, and special, and unique, and all that, but I'm not God. And so often I find myself creeping into the mode that I AM.
This is a comparatively wimpy hardship to anything that Paul went through. But needing others, having to ask for help, feeling useless...again...is teaching me that He is all. He is what is needed. For me and for others. Abiding and trusting in him and not my own ability to be creative, or plan, or economize, or become more efficient in every area of life. No, that's a personality that Jesus can work through, but in the end, it's Him that is needed, no me.
So, I bow my head to this and say, work in me. Make me your servant, Jesus. Keep me from idolizing myself. And thank you for another chance to learn this lesson again. I'm not sure how this hardship will help me be a blessing to others, but I'm happy to be reminded that You, God, are everything. And I am nothing. Thank you that you work through my nothingness for Your glory.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Thursday, January 30, 2014
He Makes me to Lie Down in Green Pastures
I think the operative word in this phrase is "Make".
I seem to have a hard time with the lying down part. I see green pastures and I say, "run!" Nothing about things going smoothly, sunshine, and food says, "Lie down and rest" to me.
I find myself forced to lie down ALL. THE. TIME. right now. Thanks to this foot of mine. It's supposed to be restful so I can recover from injury. And things around me are going smoothly, probably because there would be no way to rest if it wasn't.
Yet I'm so ambitious. I see smooth sailing and thing that it's time to conquer all those things I didn't do while it was rough and things were going hard. "Quick!" "Get it done!" "Hurry, while the time is good!" But it's time to rest.
He's making me lie down in the green pastures- like the child that desperately needs a nap in the middle of the most beautiful day.
So, I'm down. Where I'm doing mostly nothing. As it should be for now.
There will be plenty of time to get up and go and always there will be plenty to fill the time. But for now, He's MAKING me lie down. So, that's where I am.
Monday, January 13, 2014
There are Good Days, and then there are Good Days
Today I had to take a unexpected trip into the doctor for my cast to be looked at. Something about the fact that I could move my toes sent the doctor scurrying to stop it. Cut, x-ray, dress, wrap, and recast.
...4 hours later (Yay, for those moments when they can work you in between appointments) I had my new boot.
Today I had a choice. I had a full day planned out. It didn't start like I had planned and it just kept getting messier and messier. I could have groaned about each little thing- began the day with a really sad phone call from a friend. (That I did groan over, but I determined to try and continue on my day.) But it was a rough start.
Next, I sat downstairs waiting for a phone call while I attempted to start school on time. If any of you have started up school after vacation you know that the first day back into a routine can be hitchy at best. Today was no different. We had some interruptions, some difficulty finding things, and some tricky assignments, but we pressed on, cheerfully. For all of about 30 minutes.
The doctor called back and indicated I needed to come in. Ok. And then began the 4 hours. It would have been easy to look at this day as a wash, to see the lack of schooling, the endless hours "wasted" at the doc's office, and only little glitches in between. I could have made that choice. I often do.
But today, I made the choice to be cheerful about it and look for ways to enjoy where I was at the moment. So...
When school wasn't going...I just stuck with what we were doing- reading aloud. We read and the kids colored some cards. They learned some history and we were able to send some notes that communicated love to my friend. Not the "normal" school, but worthy.
When we got to the doctor and discovered that it would be an hour and a half before the dr. could even see me, we (Brandon, Justin, and I) took the rare opportunity to have lunch together at the cafeteria. We had a delightful lunch, enjoying our little son between us and each other.
When I got back to the crowded casting area and had to wait for over an hour, I could have been irritated, but instead I had the opportunity to be a bright spot in the lives of the nurses. I was happy, smiled, joked, and tried to be accommodating. Around the corner, behind the next curtain, was a girl who was just a mess. I won't get into everything that she had going on, but there was a clear combination of things that had happened (accident) and things she had done to herself (drug type issues) that came together to make her one miserable, in pain human being. She was angry, lashing out, and there really was quite a difficulty in knowing where to start with her problems because one just rolled on top of another.
We both had to sit there for a long time. Not really in each others' presence, but near. I could have become frustrated with her there, but I took the chance to pray. It made me wonder how often God makes us wait in a place, hoping that we will notice someone besides ourselves that needs help and either help them, or pray or both. I'm afraid that most of the time I'm too busy feeling irritated that my plans are being changed without my consent that I don't pay the least attention to others or their needs. Oh that I would remember today and how energizing it was to me and to the other staff, and I think some of my comments seemed to help the girl be more peaceful.
I don't know why she stuck with me so. Perhaps because I heard that she was the same age as me, perhaps because behind her rotten miserable attitude I saw a mirror of myself and how I respond to others sometimes, or perhaps just because she was so obviously sad and I had no idea how to help her, but wanted to. Whatever it was, she did stick; both as a check to myself to be kind even in difficulty and to pray for others around me.
It wasn't the day that I planned, but it was a good one- worth the changes and switches and the waits. That's what I choose today. And, by God's grace, I purpose to choose it tomorrow.
"This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
...4 hours later (Yay, for those moments when they can work you in between appointments) I had my new boot.
Today I had a choice. I had a full day planned out. It didn't start like I had planned and it just kept getting messier and messier. I could have groaned about each little thing- began the day with a really sad phone call from a friend. (That I did groan over, but I determined to try and continue on my day.) But it was a rough start.
Next, I sat downstairs waiting for a phone call while I attempted to start school on time. If any of you have started up school after vacation you know that the first day back into a routine can be hitchy at best. Today was no different. We had some interruptions, some difficulty finding things, and some tricky assignments, but we pressed on, cheerfully. For all of about 30 minutes.
The doctor called back and indicated I needed to come in. Ok. And then began the 4 hours. It would have been easy to look at this day as a wash, to see the lack of schooling, the endless hours "wasted" at the doc's office, and only little glitches in between. I could have made that choice. I often do.
But today, I made the choice to be cheerful about it and look for ways to enjoy where I was at the moment. So...
When school wasn't going...I just stuck with what we were doing- reading aloud. We read and the kids colored some cards. They learned some history and we were able to send some notes that communicated love to my friend. Not the "normal" school, but worthy.
When we got to the doctor and discovered that it would be an hour and a half before the dr. could even see me, we (Brandon, Justin, and I) took the rare opportunity to have lunch together at the cafeteria. We had a delightful lunch, enjoying our little son between us and each other.
When I got back to the crowded casting area and had to wait for over an hour, I could have been irritated, but instead I had the opportunity to be a bright spot in the lives of the nurses. I was happy, smiled, joked, and tried to be accommodating. Around the corner, behind the next curtain, was a girl who was just a mess. I won't get into everything that she had going on, but there was a clear combination of things that had happened (accident) and things she had done to herself (drug type issues) that came together to make her one miserable, in pain human being. She was angry, lashing out, and there really was quite a difficulty in knowing where to start with her problems because one just rolled on top of another.
We both had to sit there for a long time. Not really in each others' presence, but near. I could have become frustrated with her there, but I took the chance to pray. It made me wonder how often God makes us wait in a place, hoping that we will notice someone besides ourselves that needs help and either help them, or pray or both. I'm afraid that most of the time I'm too busy feeling irritated that my plans are being changed without my consent that I don't pay the least attention to others or their needs. Oh that I would remember today and how energizing it was to me and to the other staff, and I think some of my comments seemed to help the girl be more peaceful.
I don't know why she stuck with me so. Perhaps because I heard that she was the same age as me, perhaps because behind her rotten miserable attitude I saw a mirror of myself and how I respond to others sometimes, or perhaps just because she was so obviously sad and I had no idea how to help her, but wanted to. Whatever it was, she did stick; both as a check to myself to be kind even in difficulty and to pray for others around me.
It wasn't the day that I planned, but it was a good one- worth the changes and switches and the waits. That's what I choose today. And, by God's grace, I purpose to choose it tomorrow.
"This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
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