Today I've been in the bed all day. Sore throat, head ache, body aches...ew.
Also, I've just been depressed. Everything is SO much harder with one leg. Takes more time. My crutches and I are not on speaking terms right now.
I was reading in that popular devotional today, Jesus Calling, and my eye caught this:
"Hardships are part of the journey too. I mete them out ever so carefully, in just the right dosage, with a tenderness you can hardly imagine. Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among My most favored gifts."
I'm tempted to recoil from just the idea that hardship is a gift from Jesus. But I also had the privilege of listening to this sermon this morning:
http://sermon3a.tscnyc.ws/2012/mp3g/20120401S1.mp3
Reminding me that Paul "knew" a whole lot about God, but it wasn't until after he went through hardships and suffering that he "learned" it. After he had been through all sorts of trials, then he had credibility when he talked to others. He could say that he trusted in his Master no matter what and it meant something to the people who heard it because he had been through Hell and back and was still saying that he trusted.
There's something weighty about hearing words of encouragement from one who's "been there". It makes them more believable. Like they truly know what they are talking about.
To say that what I'm doing right now is considered a hardship, almost seems laughable. I mean, I'm sitting in my bed with a wonderful supportive family chugging right along without me while I lay here and rest. They answer my every beck and call, feed me, get my medicines, and the house keeps running right along without me. Yet, it seems as though God is continuing to teach me that I'm not as big and necessary as I always think I am. (Pride) How many ways can He knock it out of me?
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm loved, and special, and unique, and all that, but I'm not God. And so often I find myself creeping into the mode that I AM.
This is a comparatively wimpy hardship to anything that Paul went through. But needing others, having to ask for help, feeling useless...again...is teaching me that He is all. He is what is needed. For me and for others. Abiding and trusting in him and not my own ability to be creative, or plan, or economize, or become more efficient in every area of life. No, that's a personality that Jesus can work through, but in the end, it's Him that is needed, no me.
So, I bow my head to this and say, work in me. Make me your servant, Jesus. Keep me from idolizing myself. And thank you for another chance to learn this lesson again. I'm not sure how this hardship will help me be a blessing to others, but I'm happy to be reminded that You, God, are everything. And I am nothing. Thank you that you work through my nothingness for Your glory.
